Zion-Benton Times - Community News - Your Life

Road Rage


November 2, 2018

Varoom!!!! The car sped past me leaving a sonic boom in its wake. I was in the slow lane going about 60 mph and I admit that I was fidgeting with my window mounted phone trying to adjust my Pandora station. I could have been driving erratically, but I’m not sure. I don’t know how the guy got my cell phone number, but seconds after he passed me, I got a text which read, “Donkey”. The actual word was a three-letter synonym of donkey.

Of course, I was appalled and wasn’t going to take it. With the modern advent of cellular technology, I thought was going to be one up and clicked on Facetime and sent him a video chat of me flipping him a bird. I thought that he’d never see it, but little did I know, he had the same technology that I had, and saw it immediately. I had opened Pandora’s Box.

His vehicle pulled to a screeching halt. As traffic was thick, cars coming from the opposite lane, I had to press my brakes heavy and suddenly. I broke so heavy that my car began to skip as I tried to avoid a rear-end collision. I stopped within a dime’s width of nailing his bumper.

As I looked up, still out of breath and my pulse pounding, I could see the driver of the vehicle getting out of his car. The veins in his thick neck were pulsating, an angry look was vicious on his face and I saw his muscular arms flex as he tore off his jacket throwing it on the ground as he headed for me.

I just knew that he was about to snatch me out of my vehicle (though the door was locked) and “whoop” my donkey.

On impulse, I peered into the rear-view mirror. The car behind me was about a vehicle’s length away. I put the car in reverse, backed up just enough to speed out of the gridlock and I laid down a half-inch of tire as I burned rubber getting out of there.

I raced through a yellow light at 80 miles an hour, constantly checking my rear-view mirror for a chase. I pulled over at the first McDonald’s and went through the drive thru.

“I’d like a tall-skinny vanilla latte, with a double shot of Expresso,” I panted into the speaker out of breath.

“You must think you are at Starbucks,” the mild-mannered McDonalds employee said with an auditory smile.

It was enough to make me calm down a little. So, I reordered. As I moved up in the line, I looked at myself in the driver’s seat mirror. Sweat was popping off me in pearl-sized beads and the air was thick with steam. Despite that, while I looked…a smile slowly crossed my face. I…was alive.

Now…this story is a total fabrication. I would never give anyone the finger.

The truth is, according to the Illinois Department of Transportation, as of October 26, 2018 there were 859 fatalities related to vehicular crashes in the great State of Illinois alone. Complete data as to the reasons for the incidents are not available, but some are caused by unlicensed or suspended drivers. Some accidents are caused by individuals texting, sexting and face timing while driving. Some collisions are caused by people talking on the phone and distracted drivers. And some terrible accidents are caused by road rage.

As the Holiday Season approaches, The Zion-Benton Times is encouraging everyone to drop the phone and drive. Please, share the highway and give up the road rage. We need you to survive.

Happy Thanksgiving and may the Peace of God be with you all.


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